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Lonely...i guess [Mar. 30th, 2005|10:03 pm]
well it's less than 60 days until the day i have been waiting for arrives. i will finally be happy...well...atleast SATISFIED if you know what i mean. i am really anxious, and it seems that that is all i can think about. i miss having friends around, i guess i am just lonely. i will get over it. another day gone. i will be going to disneyland (the happiest fucking place on earth) on friday, so i hope that will cheer me up...i will spend all day getting sunburned, eating way too much greasy food, and going on rides...it will be a blast. i am sure. no really...i am sure of it. i LOVE disneyland.
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Mi vida loca... [Mar. 1st, 2005|09:55 pm]
[mood |frustratedfrustrated]
[music |into the mystic by Van Morrison]

well...today was a sad day. i fucked up my brand new car...it was sad. I mean i didn't fuck it up BAD or anything. Just scratched it BY HITTING A PARKED CAR!!! i guess that's why they call me H&R Z. if you don't know why that is my name...don't ask. i am not explaining it to anyone. so, yeah. it wasn't a blonde moment or anything, the parking spot was just too tight, and i BARELY scraped the other car. it just left a few scratches on their car, but peeled the paint off my BRAND NEW CAR!!! oh well. i guess it can't be perfect forever. so...that's my story.

i guess it wasn't a horrible day. i am loving school, but today i hated my dance class for some reason. Two of the chicks in there REALLY bug, but whatever. i guess that's the way it is. so...yeah. anyways. that's what went down. i went to school and hit a parked car. OH, in psychology today i learned a lot about "substances" and found out a lot about ecstacy that i am glad to know. anyways...more info on that later. So...things are going all right. i am going to clean up my storage on thursday...WHOEVER THE FUCK DID THAT NEEDS TO STOP FUCKING WITH ME!!! i am sick of it. so, yeah. not lettin it get me down, just wish these people would stop fucking with me. joo know?
so...that's all for now.
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life... [Feb. 3rd, 2005|05:50 pm]
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |al green-i'm so in love with you]

well...i just thought i would write in here. i am feeling really good about my life right now. i am happy. it's so nice. i know i have said that a few times in here, but i truly am amazed at how happy i have been consistently. it seems a little unbelievable for me. i was so depressed for so long, and now i am finally happy day after day after day. i am almost scared that something bad is going to happen. it's wierd. oh well. i guess that's the way life goes. it's a roller coaster. i am just on the up part right now. i have definitely been on the down if not broken stage for a long time. so, all i can say is that i hope it lasts.
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Lovely Grandma Barbara [Feb. 1st, 2005|09:30 pm]
[mood |gratefulgrateful]
[music |you are the sunshine of my life]

well...i think now is the time to pay respects to the most wonderful woman i have ever known in my life. 4 years ago exactly to the day, my grandmother left me. today (this year in particular) is the first time i have felt "at peace" with the situation. everyother year that i have gone to talk about it , i have broken down into an emotional mess. i am glad that i have finally gotten a chance to come to peace with it. i know that she is up there, looking down on me blessing me with everything she's got (as well as probably cursing me for smoking and getting all my LOVELY tattoos). i now take every day and live it to the best of my ability because i know that that is how she lived her life. i hope to be looked at like she was someday, as a strong, beautiful, generous, vivacious woman who had not a care in the world except for whom to smile at next. she was the light of my life, and continues to be. i hope to gain an appreciation for life as she had someday. i know it will happen. until then, i hope to live my life right, and make an impression on the world as she has done. she may have lived a short life, but she lived a meaningful one. i hope to see her again someday. until then...she will always be the sunshine of my life. RIP Grandma Barbara Ann...I will always love you.
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my cool class [Feb. 1st, 2005|09:26 pm]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

well...i have just realized how fucked up i really am. i just took the craziest psych class of my life. i pretty much sat silently through the whole thing in deep thought, but i definitely learned a lot about myself. it was nuts. we talked about freud and all his crazy theories on psychosexual development and whatnot. it was crazy. i definitely have a lot of my unconscious that i need to make conscious, so i am off to do that now. ttfn!!
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life is crazy [Jan. 30th, 2005|05:54 pm]
[mood |sickSTILL]
[music |R.E.M]

well...i am sitting at my house...sick...wishing i had my boyfriend here. i haven't missed him this much in a long time. it's wierd. i really thought i was used to this whole thing. it's wierd how you NEVER get used to it...no matter how long it goes on. we are in a really good place right now. we both feel really comfortable with eachother. i am just feeling "tiny" as i used to say when i was little. i just wish i had him here with me. i feel stupid and cheesy, but fuck! i need a fuckin hug. oh well. i guess May isn't THAT far away. it is just a whole lot of money away. that's what it is. so, whatever. one thing i can count on is the fact that he will be home someday. SOME FUCKING DAY!!! on a different note...it is kinda wierd...i feel like roles have changed a little. my friend who used to be comforting me about all the fucking drama in my life is going through stuff herself, and now I can be here for HER. i know she is a strong and wonderful person, but she has finally encountered some depressing events in her life...things i was dealing with long ago. i am just glad that i can be there for her like she was for me. it's nice. well...that's all for now. LATE!!
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good morning... [Jan. 19th, 2005|08:50 am]
[mood |sicksick]

well...i am back in SLO. i just got all moved in to my new apartment in.....??????. i am stoked. it is so nice that no one...except for the people i want to know, know where i live. i love that. i am really excited. my new apartment is really cute. my mom went overboard on buying me nice new things. i am loving it. i got a new couch, dresser, end tables, bedding, bathroom stuff, etc. she is awesome, and she has helped me more than i could have ever imagined. i got the flu i think, so i am a little sick. i start school on monday, which i am kind of looking forward to. i know that it will be good for me to go to school. i need to do something with my life. i AM going somewhere with my life, unlike some people i know...no names. i am really hatin' on SLO these days, but it is because it has been so horrible to me. you know?? i it's like cheers ("where everybody knows your name") from hell. it's not good. after all the bullshit i have been through these past few years, i am happy in saying that "good things come to those who wait" because i think that this year will make up for the past 3 shitty ones. i am sure of it. i can't wait to see what other good things are going to go on. i am excited. anyways, that's all for now. just a few thoughts.
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Just another crazy night in SLO [Jan. 15th, 2005|11:03 pm]
[mood |bitchybitchy]

well...i am just back in SLO...not for long, but i am not telling anyone where i am moving. that would just bring trouble my way. i hope to just exist on the internet, and let people wonder where the hell i went. i have had a crazy time living in SLO, and i am happy to say that i am glad to get the hell out. all my "friends" have either become crack heads, had kids, or moved away, so i am now leaving too (the best of the three choices in my opinion). i am going to start a new life for myself somewhere else, and choose my friends very carefully and not get myself into ANY of the crazy predicaments that i got into before. i am going to do exactly what i want to do. i know all those crazy people out there will carry on their hatred, but i hope someday they will just fucking let it go. so, in the meantime, they can sit in SLO (or jail) and talk all the shit they want. i am moving on. Good Night.

"Grandma said you have to leave."
"I didn't talk to her."
"well she said you have to leave."
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(no subject) [Jan. 13th, 2005|01:03 pm]
[mood |cheerfulcheerful]

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