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zzscraf

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Lonely...i guess [Mar. 30th, 2005|10:03 pm]
zzscraf
well it's less than 60 days until the day i have been waiting for arrives. i will finally be happy...well...atleast SATISFIED if you know what i mean. i am really anxious, and it seems that that is all i can think about. i miss having friends around, i guess i am just lonely. i will get over it. another day gone. i will be going to disneyland (the happiest fucking place on earth) on friday, so i hope that will cheer me up...i will spend all day getting sunburned, eating way too much greasy food, and going on rides...it will be a blast. i am sure. no really...i am sure of it. i LOVE disneyland.
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Mi vida loca... [Mar. 1st, 2005|09:55 pm]
zzscraf
[mood |frustratedfrustrated]
[music |into the mystic by Van Morrison]

well...today was a sad day. i fucked up my brand new car...it was sad. I mean i didn't fuck it up BAD or anything. Just scratched it BY HITTING A PARKED CAR!!! i guess that's why they call me H&R Z. if you don't know why that is my name...don't ask. i am not explaining it to anyone. so, yeah. it wasn't a blonde moment or anything, the parking spot was just too tight, and i BARELY scraped the other car. it just left a few scratches on their car, but peeled the paint off my BRAND NEW CAR!!! oh well. i guess it can't be perfect forever. so...that's my story.

i guess it wasn't a horrible day. i am loving school, but today i hated my dance class for some reason. Two of the chicks in there REALLY bug, but whatever. i guess that's the way it is. so...yeah. anyways. that's what went down. i went to school and hit a parked car. OH, in psychology today i learned a lot about "substances" and found out a lot about ecstacy that i am glad to know. anyways...more info on that later. So...things are going all right. i am going to clean up my storage on thursday...WHOEVER THE FUCK DID THAT NEEDS TO STOP FUCKING WITH ME!!! i am sick of it. so, yeah. not lettin it get me down, just wish these people would stop fucking with me. joo know?
so...that's all for now.
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life... [Feb. 3rd, 2005|05:50 pm]
zzscraf
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |al green-i'm so in love with you]

well...i just thought i would write in here. i am feeling really good about my life right now. i am happy. it's so nice. i know i have said that a few times in here, but i truly am amazed at how happy i have been consistently. it seems a little unbelievable for me. i was so depressed for so long, and now i am finally happy day after day after day. i am almost scared that something bad is going to happen. it's wierd. oh well. i guess that's the way life goes. it's a roller coaster. i am just on the up part right now. i have definitely been on the down if not broken stage for a long time. so, all i can say is that i hope it lasts.
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Lovely Grandma Barbara [Feb. 1st, 2005|09:30 pm]
zzscraf
[mood |gratefulgrateful]
[music |you are the sunshine of my life]

well...i think now is the time to pay respects to the most wonderful woman i have ever known in my life. 4 years ago exactly to the day, my grandmother left me. today (this year in particular) is the first time i have felt "at peace" with the situation. everyother year that i have gone to talk about it , i have broken down into an emotional mess. i am glad that i have finally gotten a chance to come to peace with it. i know that she is up there, looking down on me blessing me with everything she's got (as well as probably cursing me for smoking and getting all my LOVELY tattoos). i now take every day and live it to the best of my ability because i know that that is how she lived her life. i hope to be looked at like she was someday, as a strong, beautiful, generous, vivacious woman who had not a care in the world except for whom to smile at next. she was the light of my life, and continues to be. i hope to gain an appreciation for life as she had someday. i know it will happen. until then, i hope to live my life right, and make an impression on the world as she has done. she may have lived a short life, but she lived a meaningful one. i hope to see her again someday. until then...she will always be the sunshine of my life. RIP Grandma Barbara Ann...I will always love you.
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my cool class [Feb. 1st, 2005|09:26 pm]
zzscraf
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

well...i have just realized how fucked up i really am. i just took the craziest psych class of my life. i pretty much sat silently through the whole thing in deep thought, but i definitely learned a lot about myself. it was nuts. we talked about freud and all his crazy theories on psychosexual development and whatnot. it was crazy. i definitely have a lot of my unconscious that i need to make conscious, so i am off to do that now. ttfn!!
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life is crazy [Jan. 30th, 2005|05:54 pm]
zzscraf
[mood |sickSTILL]
[music |R.E.M]

well...i am sitting at my house...sick...wishing i had my boyfriend here. i haven't missed him this much in a long time. it's wierd. i really thought i was used to this whole thing. it's wierd how you NEVER get used to it...no matter how long it goes on. we are in a really good place right now. we both feel really comfortable with eachother. i am just feeling "tiny" as i used to say when i was little. i just wish i had him here with me. i feel stupid and cheesy, but fuck! i need a fuckin hug. oh well. i guess May isn't THAT far away. it is just a whole lot of money away. that's what it is. so, whatever. one thing i can count on is the fact that he will be home someday. SOME FUCKING DAY!!! on a different note...it is kinda wierd...i feel like roles have changed a little. my friend who used to be comforting me about all the fucking drama in my life is going through stuff herself, and now I can be here for HER. i know she is a strong and wonderful person, but she has finally encountered some depressing events in her life...things i was dealing with long ago. i am just glad that i can be there for her like she was for me. it's nice. well...that's all for now. LATE!!
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good morning... [Jan. 19th, 2005|08:50 am]
zzscraf
[mood |sicksick]

well...i am back in SLO. i just got all moved in to my new apartment in.....??????. i am stoked. it is so nice that no one...except for the people i want to know, know where i live. i love that. i am really excited. my new apartment is really cute. my mom went overboard on buying me nice new things. i am loving it. i got a new couch, dresser, end tables, bedding, bathroom stuff, etc. she is awesome, and she has helped me more than i could have ever imagined. i got the flu i think, so i am a little sick. i start school on monday, which i am kind of looking forward to. i know that it will be good for me to go to school. i need to do something with my life. i AM going somewhere with my life, unlike some people i know...no names. i am really hatin' on SLO these days, but it is because it has been so horrible to me. you know?? i it's like cheers ("where everybody knows your name") from hell. it's not good. after all the bullshit i have been through these past few years, i am happy in saying that "good things come to those who wait" because i think that this year will make up for the past 3 shitty ones. i am sure of it. i can't wait to see what other good things are going to go on. i am excited. anyways, that's all for now. just a few thoughts.
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Just another crazy night in SLO [Jan. 15th, 2005|11:03 pm]
zzscraf
[mood |bitchybitchy]

well...i am just back in SLO...not for long, but i am not telling anyone where i am moving. that would just bring trouble my way. i hope to just exist on the internet, and let people wonder where the hell i went. i have had a crazy time living in SLO, and i am happy to say that i am glad to get the hell out. all my "friends" have either become crack heads, had kids, or moved away, so i am now leaving too (the best of the three choices in my opinion). i am going to start a new life for myself somewhere else, and choose my friends very carefully and not get myself into ANY of the crazy predicaments that i got into before. i am going to do exactly what i want to do. i know all those crazy people out there will carry on their hatred, but i hope someday they will just fucking let it go. so, in the meantime, they can sit in SLO (or jail) and talk all the shit they want. i am moving on. Good Night.

p.s.
"Grandma said you have to leave."
"I didn't talk to her."
"well she said you have to leave."
"why?"
"BECAUSE YOUR RUINING EVERYBODY'S LIVES AND YOU'RE EATING ALL THE STEAKS!!!"
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(no subject) [Jan. 13th, 2005|01:03 pm]
zzscraf
[mood |cheerfulcheerful]
[music |AINT NUTHIN BUT A G THANG]

YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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